Relationships - Talk Therapy

Your own version of a perfect couple

No couple is truly “perfect,” but you can become your own version of perfect by learning to build trust and develop healthy communication habits with your partner.

Happy, successful relationships don’t come to people because they are lucky, unusually well-matched, completely similar or drowning in great chemistry. Extraordinary, loving, long-lasting, healthy relationships are the products of hard work, determination and the practice of positive relationship habits. Learning to scan your environment for what you can praise, taking responsibility for your part in a dispute, and responding with openness and curiosity to criticism are just three rules that can help you create an extraordinary relationship.

Create a breakthrough

Develop habits which transform your relationship and get you through difficult times. Learn to manage feelings of worry, stress and uncertainty. Discover how to be more compassionate and understanding instead of being right and realise that when your partner is being most difficult or distant that they are really most vulnerable and frightened. Rekindle a passionate relationship, learn to cope with inevitable challenges of life together, cultivate gratitude, and understand when to be flexible and when not to be. Call us today.

The Basics

Psychologists have identified four predictors of divorce. If you or your partner are frequently critical and defensive or contemptuous of one another and engaged in stonewalling, it’s only a matter of time. Before you can create the healthy relationship you first need to work on you. When you raise the standards to which you hold yourself, you change the relationship and bring out the best in your partner. There are seven principles that can help turn your relationship around. No matter who you are or what stage of a relationship you’re in, these techniques work. Here are three basics to get you started:

1. Scan your environment for what you can praise

Couples in happy relationships have a habit of scanning their environment for what they can praise about their partner and tend to overlook or ignore the smaller imperfections that everyone has. Unhappy couples train their minds to scan for what they can criticise about their spouse. Start paying attention to what you’re saying out loud to your partner. It’s literally a habit of the mind and habits can be changed.

2. Begin critical sentences with "I" not "you"

Healthy couples do in fact criticise their partner from time to time, but they own their emotions and begin their sentences with “I” rather than “you” when expressing their frustrations. They might say “I feel like I’m doing most of the cleaning at home and I really need some help from you”. Contemptuous couples are more likely to say “You’re so lazy, when was the last time you helped me around the house?”. The first sentence is focused on how you feel and what you’d like to see happen to resolve it. The second is a character assessment of your partner. When has pointing out your partners flaws ever worked for you?

3. Take responsibility for your part in a dispute

Couples who accept responsibility for their mistakes, no matter how small, help reduce tension in the relationship. Saying “you’re right, I haven’t been much help around the house lately and I can see why that would make you angry and upset” goes a long way towards validating your partners feelings and repairing the small ruptures that happen regularly. To build trust, you’ll need to take some action, but you’re on your way to deescalating the tension. For more practical exercises that get your relationship back on track, call us today.

Breaking the cycle with gratitude

Looking to inject positive feelings back into your relationship? Try these proven gratitude tips. Keep a printed copy on your fridge and practice at least one tip daily to show your partner appreciation and see notice the impact gratitude has on your relationship and the impact a healthy relationship also has on your family.